Let's face It

Let's face it

    Let's face it, we always have to hide. Being neurodivergent, I've learned a long time ago how to mold and form to make myself fit into everyone else's boxes. Not be to loud? Check. People please? Check. Pretend to be present? Check. Most think ADHD is just for boys or children. Even I grew up thinking that I would grow out of my diagnosis. No one taught me what it meant to be different, I just knew I was. I grew up being Stitch, the outsider. I talked to much, laughed to loudly, ate to much. I would chew on pens or I would tap my foot. I found myself struggling with completing tasks, and always, and I mean always being messy and disorganized. And remembering things? Ha- good luck. 
    I was clumsy, always running into things or hurting myself. Breaking stuff. I often had emotional outburst that seemed "sudden" and my impulse to spend money or speak before someone was done should have been red flags. When I got my diagnoses of ADHD in high school, I felt odd. And did I learn anything about stemming, spatial awareness and what impulse control was? No. Not until I was in my late twenties did I really start learning. Learning that I wasn't the only one who has these same exact issues, learning with disassociating is, and about hyper fixations. It wasn't until this time did I learn about rejection sensitivity dysphoria was. These are words I found later in life that made my entire childhood make sense.
    Masking? Check. What is Masking? It's when we pretend we are normal. We mimic you, you who are not neurodivergent because we crave the acceptance of who we are. You might think this is a great thing, but it really isn't. Imagine having to act all day- it's exhausting! If you are lucky enough that we feel safe with you and we wish to test our bonds, we may unmask and allow our brains to function as they were meant to. For you that means you will see how bouncy we can be, how scattered but how amazing we are. If you think we are annoying, how do you think we feel? Trust me when I say we all feel that way, especially with memory issues, unexplainable bruises and half finished projects. And always wondering how something happened. 
    Let's face it, there are many of us neurodivergent, and every day we find others who are just like us, trying to find thier way in a neurotypical world. A world who pressures you to adhere to a schedule, a world who strikes down out of the box thinking. If you are lucky enough to have a neurodivergent in your life, do try to remember, we are trying. Give us a little extra grace, we might just surprise you once expectations are dropped. 
     

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